An Actual Text From Last Night: Camera Phone Needed

Editor's Note: I really hope this becomes a recurring feature because I get some of the most entertaining text messages.  I really do.  However, none have been accepted to go on the renowned site textsfromlastnight.com.  So rather than wait for their "acceptance" I figured I'd post them here -- but with fake area codes to protect the innocent.

Hilarity after the jump.


(773) There is a girl in bra and short shorts. Outside pinch in handcuffs. OMG. Dude fuckin hot. In handcuffs. Oh my fucking god it's like a porno.
(217) Why is this not a picture message?

(773) Those girls were 17 ... How should I feel about this?
(267) I want them more, now

(847) I think Donte Stallworth feels worse about the ref getting run over than the dude he ran over

(314) your cubs are done. mark mcgwires our hitting coach. unlike hal mcrae hes injecting life into this team.
(773) and by life you mean steroids, right?

(773) If the Bears come back and win this game, I'll throw a Cedric Benson-like boat party. Without the boat, though.
(1-773) If they come back ill buy a boat to throw the party

(305) I know how to stop Ced Benson. It involves a boat, a cope and white girls. Please forward this text to Lovie Smith.

(708) What's more embarrassing: Cubs offense or Bears team?
(773) All of the above.

(773) Dirty 30 roofied the Angels bullpen.
(312) how do u know?
(773) It would explain why the Yankees are batting 1.000 this inning

(215) Dude...chick with braces from last night just added me on facebook. Her birthday is feb 6 1992. Holy shit that is awesome.

(1-773) I didnt know that steve phillips could ball so hard.
(773) I'm waiting for ESPN to call me in for an interview. I can't wait.
(1-773) On your resume it should read "white bitches love al roker"


(773) ESPN: Sir, why should we hire you? Me: Because I wouldn't trade Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano. ESPN: You're hired.
(1-773) Are you going to make your own Erin Andrews video? If so ain't no fun unless the 7th floor crew gets some.

(309) Ruffies- they come in garbage bag form now for when she needs to be taken to the curb

(773) Ruffies at Wal-Mart are on sale. "Only $1.68 to bat 1.000" should be the slogan ... Right?
(1-773) Lol you better stock up while theyre cheap